The Pain of Discipline: Be Hard On Yourself

I had a very chill winter break at the end of 2025. It was good. But I fell behind on my regular work outs. Bailing out at the last minute a few days in a row. It was terrible and I felt terrible physically. But I felt extra terrible emotionally. I pride myself on my discipline, doing things that are good for me but don’t always enjoy. Going to the gym is one of these things. 

I am not naturally disciplined like my daughter, who is incredible at this, especially as a teen. Perhaps it’s from her Jr ROTC (Reserve Officer Training Corp) or her competitive hip hop dance team. However early the competition, however early the training (sometimes 7 am) she is up early and ready. I really need to learn from her. 

So of course I spent most of that week beating on myself.I know they say don’t beat yourself up when you mess up, screw something up or don’t do something you know you should do. But you can’t help it. Especially for Type A individuals like myself, it’s like having an internal Tiger mom yelling in your ear for hours when it happens. It was bad enough having one in real life. I must have internalized much of this. If folks heard any of this internal monologue it would be deemed as “child abuse” these days. 

But I think this is the only way anything gets done. Anything really hard to do. Your inner demons and traumas are actually being used positively in this case. Pain always leads to growth. My regular cycle: when you mess up, you beat on yourself internally, be brutal on yourself, learn and fix it and move forward. It’s not pleasant but it works.

I’d argue the issue with most young and old men these days is that they are NOT hard enough on themselves. It’s like they live a life full of excuses. Out of shape, unhealthy, unhappy and unfulfilled. At least try and put some effort into your life. Nothing is supposed to be easy or given to you. Definitely won’t be in the near future either. 

As the great Confucius said: "When you are strict with yourself but lenient toward others, you will keep resentment far away."

Being hard on yourself, this is the only thing you can control. Don’t expect anything from anyone else. Total personal ownership. This is the way.